Now playing: BREAK EVEN

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even.

Her best days will be some of my worst,
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first,
While I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Coz she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain,
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh.
'Coz you left me with no love, with no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break, no it don't
break, no it don't break even no.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)

Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, It don't break even, no

arf arf woof woof!

March 20, 2010
around 7:30 am
Toinkeedoodledoo gave birth to four cute puppies.
Hehe! Toinkee is a mother now. We're so proud of you! hehehe

OUTSPOKEN HEART

How good it is to meet such a wonderful person like you.
Your eyes melt me every time you look at me.
Your ears are always ready to listen whenever I try to talk.
Your nose, it's so lovely, I wonder how you'd notice my scent.
Your sensuous lips that I long to kiss and
Your warm hugs that I always miss.

Every time I'm with you, I forget the rest.
Coz I have you... I have the best.
You know me so well,
Whenever I'm sad, you know what words to tell.

Bliss is still the best word to describe it.
I hope you feel how much I mean it.
It is true that I really wanna be with you always.
I hope the clock stops to tick whenever I'm with you.

I hope you know how much I love you.
You are my happiness and I am not afraid of any consequences.
My heart beats only for you.
You are the reason of my existence.


I love you so much, I care for you and I need you.
I hope someday I could say these words to you.
I wanna tell you all of these, without having doubts and overcoming my fear.
Coz I don't wanna be like this forever ..... loving you silently.


december7th2009

NOT AFRAID!

i know there are many things that i am afraid of.

you may call me a coward, oh yes i am.

i may not be as strong as you are,

i easily break down when it comes to my emotions.

but there's one thing that i want you to know that i am not scared of,

i am not scared of taking risks in loving you.

i thought there's something magical happened but i was wrong . . .

i almost came to a point of facing the toughest challenge of all . . . . . .

. . . . . I was so ready to defend you..., but then you chose to break my heart for

the third time . . .

no matter what . . .

i still chose to stay in love with you.

i may not be the one you want.

i may not be the one you need.

Im still keeping my promise...

that I'll always be here for you,

because you're forever in my heart.

oct2809

I wish I could

I wish I could turn back time

Those precious moments when you were mine

The happiness that no one could ever find

"Bliss" that's all i have in my mind

I wish i could have told you

What is my life without you

Maybe you wouldn't have any clue

I'll tell you, I will feel blue

I wish i could have been so true

So that you and I are no yet through

If I only knew,

That these feelings were strange and new

I wish I could have done something

Because without you, I feel nothing

Apart from you there's something missing

I don't know if my life's still worth living

I wish I could be your lover

But I know you wouldn't even bother

Even though my life's begin to falter

Who would care? It doesn't even matter

I wish I could have given another chance

To prove my love and make a stance

If you'd just hold my hand

Trust me, our love will forever stand

I wish I could have hugged you so much

So that now I won't be longing for your touch

It's not easy to just hush

I miss you, I can't believe it's all gone in just a flash.

041609

KNIFE

There are memories that you want to be erased but still remains in your heart.

You tried everything to forget about it still you feel hurt.

How can I never forget those precious moments I had with you?

If all the things that surround me always remind me of you.

When friendship and love collide, both can suffer.

“I love you, and I need you back”, these are the words I want you to utter.

They say “everything happens for a reason”.

Please tell me what to do to forget you and move on.

“I’m sorry” can two simple words make up for all those I wish I haven’t said?

If not possible, memories binding us to a past we long to forget can be too difficult to escape.

Love is about giving, but even with love it can be too much.

It brings me more pain, and still I’m longing for your touch.

This is not easy, I hope someone would discover,

That I lose a part of myself, that is so hard to recover.

You know, I never wanted you out of my life.

I badly miss you and it’s killing me just like a knife.

041309

Programmed to Function

I’m lying in my bed,

Feeling cold and dread.

Thinking is what humans do best,

But hard to stop and go for a little rest.

There were moments of joy, and memories of extreme happiness.

But all of these cause me more pain and emptiness.

A glimpse is all it can take to be awaken from an awful dream.

Life can be so cruel and fate can be so mean.

Everyday, I look forward to forgetting you,

But my mind’s pulling me backward, telling me to come back to you.

Sometimes tears say all that can be said and understanding comes only with time.

Circumstances often dictate feelings and things can remind us why it didn’t work out very fine.

I wish there’s a solution,

A conceivable retort to all my illusions.

Suicide is an escape, not an answer.

The craziest thing to do, people wouldn’t even mind to bother.

I wish there’s still a reason,

For my heart not to be forever imprisoned.

If the world lets me down,

I hope it wouldn’t be your name that I will call to stop my frown.

What if there’s a way to ease the pain and just run away.

What if I leave it all behind and just walk astray.

It may look deceiving but I tell you it will lead me to the process of healing.

To start believing that my life has no other purpose, no other meaning.

No pressure, pain and heartaches that will bring me to confusion.

I’m just here for something that won’t include risking my emotions.

Without questions, without hesitations, my mind is only set up for commands and limitations.

Just like living in a world of robots, that’s how they were programmed to function.

april 13, 2009

A Very SpeciaL Thing . . .

Losing a friend is very hard especially when you know it’s your fault.

Confusion, pain, unanswered questions, these are only some of what we face.

Friendships change but doesn’t always mean they end.

When friendship ends, sometimes it doesn’t really end.

Just because friendship fades, it doesn’t mean the love dies, sometimes it simply waits.

Some people have the power to change our lives even after they are no longer a part of it.

Some truths we learn too late but better than to never learn at all.

Perhaps, the one thing worse than being hurt is knowing we have hurt one another.

Losing a friend to the inevitable circumstances of life is a painful memory but one accompanied by good memories and future hope.

Saying good bye to someone you once considered a friend is not easy.

Friendship can last even when it doesn’t because friendship is a very special thing.

april 13, 09

R.E.V.E.L.A.T.I.O.N.

What happens when your reason for living is gone?

I ask why and I rationalize, all has been said and done.

Promises of forever don’t always last.

Like a burning wood that turns into ashes and soon turns into dust.

Sometimes I just wish that it wasn’t me getting hurt.

It brings me more pain, hoping that I wouldn’t burst.

Memories can sometimes be so sharp, they leave me bleeding.

What the hell! They’re just making my life so intriguing.

They say “life must go on” and during the day that’s precisely true.

But when the sun sets, life begins to halt, making me feel blue.

No one is happy all the time and some people feel as if they can never find happiness.

Like them, I think my entire life is devoted to nothing but pain, hurt and loneliness.

Life isn’t always perfect and certainly isn’t always fair.

Every day is a struggle and every breath is a fight for survival that I could not bear.

Faces hide as much as they reveal and things aren’t always what they seem.

But pretending will only be the way of my feelings not to be easily seen.

APRIL 12, 09

taken from the movie "Benjamin Button"

For what its worth, it is never too late to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit. Stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst but I hope you make the best. I hope you see the things that stopped you. I hope you feel the things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find it or not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again

LOVE… INDEED!

I am mesmerize by your smile

I just can’t believe, it’s not a lie.

It seems to me everything’s just fine,

When you’re around, as if you’re taking all my time.

When I spend my day with you,

I can’t explain, but you take away my blues.

Being with you, there’s no limit, no rules,

I’m free to express myself, even if sometimes I look like a fool.

But then I was lost and depressed,

And made a promise to myself not to love again

But somehow, somewhere, I met you,

You helped me to carry on and be true.

You told me to live my life to the fullest,

And to stop considering myself useless

I go with the flow just like what you do,

But I just don’t know how to stop myself from falling into you.

I’m doubtful, I’m confused, I’m problematic,

For only one reason, I don’t want my heart to be static.

Love is all I need, with you I feel complete,

Even if it takes a lifetime, I will wait coz I know, it’s LOVE, indeed!

111808

DREAM FOREVER

Knowing that you love someone

makes me jealous.

You may think it's a joke but

damn! I'm serious.

No one can ever make me

feel this way,

And it will never be changed

no matter what people say.

Now, I'm taking the risk

Love me or hate me,

you're there at least.

If fate won't let us

be together,

I guess I have to let

you go and just

dream forever.

070108

YOU and ME

With all the love I have in my heart today

I want to express to you these feelings

I want to share

I am not sure when it happened

But I'm very glad it did

You came into my life

When I really needed a friend

When no one seems to be listening

You hear

When I'm hurt but doesn't show it

You know

When I turn away to hide my tears

You see

You know everything there is to know about me

You know what worries me

What keeps me up at night

And what shames me so badly

That I really can't share it with anyone

You've restored my trust in people

I proved that there is really a thing

called FRIENDSHIP

Your cheerful smiles

Your warm hugs

It's really the simple things

That make my life worth living

I thank God for you everyday

BEST FRIENDS we are

BEST FRIENDS we'll be

For always and forever

YOU AND ME

may 14, '08

MY BEST FRIEND

She's d 1 I go to wen im down

She's d 1 hu stops my frown

Wenever i cry, it's her i col for

I can tel her my feelings

And how i feel about life's dealing

Wen i need a laugh, she brings me her smile

She lends an ear wen im shaking with fear

She's there when it gets dark, to lead me the way and light the sparks

It's a blessing to have a friend like her

And I'm so proud to have her in my life

My best medicine

My best friend... She's Raetot!

I love her

My best friend until the end

Yep! That's for real! c(",)

april 11, '08