HAPPY!

no matter what... You never fail to make me feel happy!!! :))))

Grenade!

Wah! nakakarelate talaga ako... waaaaaaaah ;p
madali lang sya gitarahin :)))

by: Bruno Mars


Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give
Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss, Had your eyes wide open -
Why were they open?
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked, Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby ; But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You’ll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car
Gave you all I had


And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby ; But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire, ooh You’ d watch me burn down in flames You said you loved me you're a liar Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...
But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby ; But you won't do the same.
No, you won’t do the same,
You wouldn’t do the same,
Ooh, you’ll never do the same,
No, no, no, no

Been busy with ....

All work... No Love... But I am very very HAPPY! and I will always be :DD

<3

wooshoo! :p

The most important part is to be patient for that one chance. It may not come now, it may not come tomorrow, but if it does, you'll be thankful that you have waited for something as beautiful as that thing they call love ♥ ♥ ♥

To love is to be Vulnerable

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain...

-just read it from a website-

miss ko na!

GRABE! SOBRANG MISS NA MISS KO NA SI TWEEDLEDEE :'(
wahuhuhuhuhu........

Reminiscin'...

I remembered when I set off fireworks and lit some sparklers on your special day because I wanted to make it super special just for you... only for you…


*reminiscing*


*sad*

Fireworks!

(So this is the content of the poem....)


It is the most significant thing that I could remember about you
Its sound represents every beat of my heart every time I think of you
Its loudness represents how you touch my heart every time you do something exceptional
Each tint that ignites into the sky symbolizes how you have put color to my life
Each stroke represents those emotions you let out within me
I could compare it to the love I have for you as it reaches the sky, no limit, never ending
I could compare its luminosity when it sparkles ravishingly as I look into your eyes
I have learned to appreciate it because of you
But since the day you left me, I no longer astonish and relish with its beauty
It never stays for long, it vanishes quickly as it elevates into the sky
Every time I see it, I now compare it to the moments we had together, euphoric and so meaningful but suddenly disappears
I've patiently waited for the day that you will finally realized that I am the right one to love
You had your chance and you lost it
It has never been easy for me to forget it
You left me just like that, you left me uncertain
I hope that the love that I still have for you will perish soon just like fireworks.


---> It took me a long time to compose a poem just for you.
The poems that I made usually contains feelings of depression, hurt, pain, loss and anger... but now, reading this poem over and over again came to a realization that I am starting to let go of you... ( I certainly do hope so) Anyway... though these ideas were revealed... I won't pretend that I am not missing you... I won't pretend that there's no feeling left for you... Things will still never be the same without you :)

Try niyo ito. Sa akin kasi tama yung iba :p

Free Numerology Mini-Reading for Arra Vanessa

Birth name:

Arra Vanessa T. Maquiran

Date of birth: October 7, 1989
Hi there Arra Vanessa,

Thank you for visiting my website at Numerologist.com, and for requesting this sample mini-reading and ongoing numerology tutorial.

Over the coming weeks, I'll be giving you a wealth of information about numerology (all completely free of charge!). I look forward to taking the journey with you - numerology is a true passion of mine, and it is my hope that you find numerology to be just as fascinating as I do.

Let's jump right in by starting to analyze your numerology chart ...

The best place to start is with one of the most basic calculations ... your "life path" -- based on your birth date of October 7, 1989 -- is 8.





How Is Your Life Path Calculated ?

This is calculated in four steps:

Add up the digits in your month of birth (if more than one digit)
Add up the digits in your day of birth (if more than one digit)
Add up the digits in your year of birth.
Add up the answers from (1), (2), and (3) above.
With all the above calculations, we keep adding until we end up with a single digit, or an 11 or 22 (which are special cases in numerology, known as "Master Numbers").

In your case Arra Vanessa, you were born on October 7, 1989.

Your month of birth is October, which is the 10th month. Adding 1 + 0 gives us 1

Your day of birth is the 7th. As 7 is a single digit, there's nothing to add here.

Your year of birth is 1989. Adding 1 + 9 + 8 + 9 gives us 27. Adding 2 + 7 gives us 9

The totals, then, are 1, 7, and 9. To get our final answer, we add these three numbers together to give us 17: Adding 1 + 7 gives us 8

Here's how it looks in the Life Path Calculation Chart




Read the each line from left to right, it shows the life path calculation for your month, day, year and how they are reduced together to arrive at your life path number.

What Does Your Life Path Say About You?

You thrive best in a job that has a predictable routine and a tall social ladder to climb. You take great pride in your physical appearance and often appear very attractive to the opposite sex, which is only a hazard if the romance happens on the job....
Arra Vanessa, your Life Path of 8 ...



You are a natural born winner who is destined to make a lot of money. You are confident, charismatic and most comfortable in dealing with practical, down-to-earth affairs. You are blessed with an extraordinary drive and ambition as well as a fierce competitive spirit that gives you a definite edge in career and business.

You thrive best in a job that has a predictable routine and a tall social ladder to climb. You take great pride in your physical appearance and often appear very attractive to the opposite sex, which is only a hazard if the romance happens on the job. You have excellent taste in clothes and know how to gain the focus of an entire room of strangers.

You don't have much patience with people who are dreamy or mystical in nature and are a rationalist at heart. You believe that an effect follows a definite cause and that logic and efficiency is what produces results in life. You are ruled by head and not your heart, especially in matters of business. Sometimes this gives you a bit of a reputation for being cut throat. Sometimes you are not so much respected as feared by those that you lead.

You are also the most status conscious of all of the numbers and aspire to be a pillar of the community. However, one of your life challenges might be to learn how to share your wealth in a truly philanthropic way rather than try to appear charitable for appearance's sake.

Your will and determination to succeed is unrivalled by any other number. Once you conceive of an idea you have absolutely no problem sticking with it and seeing it through to completion even if it takes a number of years. Often you win at the game of life because you had the tenacity to be the last man standing.

You tend to be connected more to material wealth than spiritual wealth and to lust more than sex. Many of you marry for social reasons or because the individual seems right for the position of spouse. Your family unit often conceals a lot of secrets as when these relationships do not work out, you cannot bear the humiliation of separation or divorce. Although you have a lot of courage in other areas of your life you often don't have the courage to end a bad relationships for fear of what others might think.

Often the strength of your personality is overwhelming for those who come into contact with you. This strong personality is fantastic when it comes to career but it can damage your relationships with family and friends. Many 8's do not have real friends but rather a collection of individuals who admire their power. Likewise there is a tendency for your family or children to feel neglected as your career takes precedence over their emotional demands. One of your life challenges is to avoid dedicating your entire life to material success and allowing for spontaneity and love in your life.

You are also very athletic and likely to be good at sports. As you like to play as hard as you work you enjoy any past time that is competitive including golf, chess, equestrian pursuits.

You are also a master manipulator who knows how to compel others to do your will. Often you are an employer or a land owner who is responsible for the livelihoods of many other people. Being a wise provider is the way that you can most benefit others.

Your Expression Number

Your Expression - which describes your potential natural talents and abilities - works out to be a 8.

How Is Your Expression Calculated?

What we are going to do now is turn all the letters in your name at birth into numbers,
using the following chart :


In practice I put the vowels above the name and the consonants underneath. This is because your Soul Urge is derived from the vowels alone, so it makes it easier at the next step to do it this way.

Again there is one exception to the rule and this is with the letter ‘Y’. If it acts as a consonant and is pronounced it is classed as being a consonant. If it is not pronounced or acts as a vowel it is classed as being a vowel. The ‘Y’ in Yolande, for instance, would be classed as being a consonant, but the ‘Y’ in Larry would be classed as being a vowel as it acts as a vowel.

Let’s work out your Expression number, Arra Vanessa :

Using the above chart we would put a '1' above the 'A' in your first name. We would follow this with a 9 placed below the 'r', then a 9 below the 'r', a 1 above the 'a', and so on...

We then carry on in the same manner with the rest of your name. When you are finished, you should end up with a chart like this:

1 1 1 5 1 1 3 9 1
A r r a V a n e s s a T . M a q u i r a n
9 9 4 5 1 1 2 9 4 8 9 5
Now we simply add up the numbers in each row.

The top row: 1 + 1 + 1 + 5 + 1 + 1 + 3 + 9 + 1 = 23

The bottom row: 9 + 9 + 4 + 5 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 9 + 4 + 8 + 9 + 5 = 66.

We now add the total of the top and bottom rows, which gives us 23+66=89. Adding 8 + 9 gives us 17. Adding 1 + 7 gives us 8

And so, Arra Vanessa, your Expression is 8.

What a Number '8' Expression Says About You

Romantically you believe that your lover deserves only the best. Part of the expression of your devotion often includes lavishing your loved ones with gifts and luxuries....
Arra Vanessa, your Expression of 8 ...
Your Potential Natural Talents and Abilities



The optimum result of your life expression is the accumulation of wealth. Just because you are materialistic does not mean you are not spiritual, however. Many number eights believe that the wealth that they create in their lives is an expression of their soul's ability to circulate good energy in their life.

You are all about the exchange of energy and it is individuals like you that keep life in motion on earth. You have the ability to build relationships and social structures as well as connect significant individuals with each other. You are also a mover and a shaker that knows how to create opportunity in the midst of chaos. Nothing stops your will to get what you want and very few of you experience real failure. This is because your deep capacity for analysis and natural foresight often prevent you from making mistakes in the first place.

You may be materialistic but you are not greedy. You are more than willing to share your wealth with those you love and often your motivation for getting rich is to give them the best future possible.

You are also a fantastic boss and leader. Your natural knack for inspiring and motivating others will probably change many lives for the better during your time here on earth. In fact, seeing others thriving as the result of your actions is one of your greatest personal rewards.

You normally express yourself in a very polite, civil and courteous manner. If you feel an intense emotion like jealousy you don't tend to show it. You tend to hold your cards close to your chest to keep others in suspense as to what your next move might be. Your unpredictability often gives you the upper hand in business but it often frustrates loved ones who sometimes feel you do not communicate with them enough.

In general though you make an excellent spouse and parent. You are responsible, affectionate and wise. Your honesty and trustworthiness often makes you a pillar in your community. One often finds the typical number eight participating on boards and in organizations that serve or shape the future of a community. Your advice is always appreciated and you excel at giving constructive criticism. For this reason you make an excellent teacher, builder, retailer or politician.

Romantically you believe that your lover deserves only the best. Part of the expression of your devotion often includes lavishing your loved ones with gifts and luxuries. You love grand sweeping gestures such as sweeping your spouse away for a romantic weekend or surprising them with a large present.

You have good, but expensive tastes in cars, furnishings and clothing. You are very well groomed and would not think of leaving the house for two seconds wearing a housecoat. You also often judge others by whether or not they are impeccably groomed as well. You can be quite stern with children and teenagers who are messy or don't keep their lives in order. This is one matter that can trigger the stern disciplinarian in you.

As you are very ambitious and goal oriented, sometimes it is hard to fit loved ones and family into your busy schedule. Number eights also excel at sports and can be found relaxing on golf courses or horseback riding on weekends. One of the challenges of your lucky number is to make sure that family and friends are also included in your exciting plans.

Now, Let's Examine Your Soul Urge
(also known as your "Heart's Desire")

We have already done all the mathematics necessary to work out this number. It is simply the total of the top row (the vowels) of your full birth name.

In your case Arra Vanessa, this totals 5.


Arra Vanessa, your Soul Urge of 5 ...

What You Desire To Be, To Have, and To Do In Your Life



You love change. You live to experience as much as possible in the shortest amount of time possible. You appreciate the fact that life is short and are bound and determined to make the most of every minute you have on this earth. You have an inquisitive mind and a thirst for adventure that is only slaked by the collecting of unusual experiences and plenty of travel.

Your adaptable nature puts you at home anywhere. You are also a bit of chameleon that is able to transform its appearance and nature to suit the environment. You are a big believer in the phrase "When in Rome.. Do as the Romans do." Your closet is usually full of many costumes, as part of your soul's satisfaction is to do a bit of "play acting" in real life.

You also possess the rare gift of detachment. Emotionally this grants you the ability to have a serial number of relationships throughout your life yet not suffer any kind of trauma or nasty consequences when one ends. However your casual attitude towards relationships often devastates others who interpret your adventurous spirit as an unwillingness to settle down and put down roots. This gives you the reputation of being "shallow" or a "heartbreaker" when nothing could be further from the truth. You simply don't connect to others in the same way they do to you and you are frustrated by those who can't seem to get on with their life the same way you are able to.

In fact you can't think of a bigger disservice to one's soul than to give up one's right to pursue their heart's desire. You feel smothered by individuals who define love as giving up your heart and soul for another. Your definition of love is more spiritually sophisticated. You believe that an expression of true love for another soul is the courage to let them go to pursue their own path.

Another one of your blessings is that it simply does not occur to you to be overemotional about things or create dramas. You are a very difficult person to pick a fight with as you have a pacifist nature. You simply see ugly emotional scenes as beneath you and you are often long gone before a battle of wills is likely to take place.

You are also very accepting of different cultures and in particular, religious and political points of view. Unfortunately others see this omniscience as procrastination or as two faced as you have a way of "agreeing with everyone." Your refusal to take a stand sometimes costs you dearly professionally. This is often a mystery to you as from your point of view all you were doing is being fair.

You intrinsically understand that without change there is no evolution. This is why somehow, many of you end up as being the catalyst for change in many situations. Sometimes the change that your very presence provokes is constructive and good and sometimes you are the culprit that causes complete chaos. However often your motivation for revealing secrets or destroying relationships is to clear out the old and create way for the new.

You are also graced with an astounding amount of courage. Like water you have the ability to wear down obstacles like water in a stream wears down a rock over a long period of time. Although you may appear unpredictable or unreliable to others you are actually a very complex individual who often harbors a clear vision of who they want to be and how they want to live in the future.


I hope you are enjoying this brief glimpse into the world of numerology -- the science of numbers, which governs much - if not most - of what happens in your life, your relationships, your health, and your economic future.

Please also realize this:

What I Have Given You Here
Has Barely Scratched the Surface!

Arra Vanessa, what I've shown you so far is just an extremely small fraction of what is possible through numerology ... I've basically shown you three of the nine-hundred-plus calculations I do in a typical reading.

I've just given you a very general overview. With a full analysis, you can explore your life and personality like a microscope, revealing more about you that you ever dreamed possible.

Your personal life, your career, your relationships, your finances, your future ... you'l learn about it all. You'll not only experience the peace of knowing the path you are best to travel in this life ... you'll learn how to capitalize on specific opportunities that might otherwise pass you by, and what pitfalls may befall you if you're not ready for them.

I kid you not ... people have both laughed out loud and cried tears of joy when they identify with characteristics they have never shared with a single soul ... when they realize the reason for the struggles they have been going through ... when they learn about the gifts they have in this life that just needed to be pointed out to them.

As a valued subscriber, I'd like to make you a very special offer on a full length numerology reading that fully explores virtually all areas of your life (including your career, relationships, specific events and opportunities in your future), leaving no stone unturned!

You'll find all the juicy details right here:

http://www.Numerologist.com/special

Thanks for joining me; I hope you enjoy this fascinating journey of discovery ...

Peace and Light,



Blair Gorman
Numerologist

Numerologist.com

NP: I can't fight this feeling anymore

-waaah! I can't fight it na.. lol~! :p

I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself, that I can't hold out forever
I say there is no reason for my fear
Cause I feel so secure when we're together
You give my life direction, you make everything so clear

And even as I wonder I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
and throw away the oars forever
Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
I've been running around in circles in my mind
Baby it always seems that I'm following you
Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find
And even as I wonder I'm keeping you sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars forever
Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore

Strong...

I have been fooling myself for a very very long time
Still, I don't know why every time someone talks about you, I feel uneasy.
Maybe because I still have feelings left for you
Oh yes! I still love you in spite of what had happened in the past.
These random thoughts about you make me feel sad.
Have I ever crossed your mind or do you still choose leaving me behind?
Here I am still, in my make believe world
I want to escape but I don't know how to help myself.
I'm used to facing all my fears, with you by my side
But now, I am trying to live alone without you in my life
This is the toughest challenge I really have to face on my own
To pretend and tell people "I am okay" with a smile and not with a frown
I'd guess I have to deal with it for a long time
so they will think that I am strong even if I am not.







created: july 11, 2010

EmO \m/

Forget...

Erase your memory from my mind
Like you erase fingerprints off a mirror
But no matter what,
the reflection is always inside.

My beating heart reminds me that you're gone
I know I'm all messed up
I wish I could forget
the day you came along.

You said you really cared
But you left me uncertain
I wish I could forget
So it won't be depressing to remember.

I wish I could forget
How each long and painful day
I love you event hough
you took my happiness away.

Love is a lie
A game we played
So well and great
I wish I could forget.

07-06-10

Makes me wonder...

I guess it’s you that I got used to
Now you’re not here and everything I do reminds me of you
I believed in you, I’ve hoped and I’ve cried for you
Now it’s just you without me and me without you
If only you were honest and didn’t take me for granted
If only …… then you would see
What I am about and what we could have been
But I guess it’s over now, when it even haven’t started yet
It makes me wonder what we were and what we could have been.

NP: You Still Have My Heart

Day by day

I’m learning to live on my own once again

One by one

Trying to find reasons why this had to end

‘Cause despite the hurt I miss you so

Oh despite the hurt I miss you so

‘Cause you still have my heart

You know I won’t really deny it

You still have my heart

but the time has come for me

I’m taking it back

Oh this time I’m taking it back

Woh oh oh oh yeah yeah

I know you’ll find someone else

Or end up with the same girl you left before in the first place

And I’ll be singing this song

Til’ someone comes along to save me from my misery

But despite the hurt I miss you so

Oh despite the hurt I miss you so


‘Cause you still have my heart

You know I won’t really deny it

You still have my heart

but the time has come for me

I’m taking it back

Oh this time I’m taking it back where it belongs

Re-arrange the wrongs

And try to start over again

You still have my heart

You know I won’t really deny it

You still have my heart

But the time has come for me

I’m taking it…

You still have my heart

You know I won’t deny it

You still have my heart

But the time has come for me

I’m taking it back

Oh the time has come for me

I’m taking it back

Oh this time…

I’m taking it back

Woh oh oh yeah

<3 <3 <3

NP: I Never Told You by Colbie Caillat

Watch the video I created... For someone that was so special to me.
Just click the link below:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDcoy0x51n0&feature=channel

THANK YOU!





I miss those blue eyes
How you kissed me at night
I miss the way we see
Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
I can't believe I still want you
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

I see your blue eyes
Every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to when I'm not
Around you
It's like I'm not with me

But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
I can't believe I still want
You
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything
About you
(still you're gone)
Can't believe that I still want
You
After all the things we've
Been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

NP: An Updated Version of Me

I know I can be so awkward at times
I can be insecure
You can call me naive, you can say I'm a child
You can say I'm so immature
For me to say that I love you now
But you'll see I will prove somehow
I can be so much more

Someday there's gonna be
An updated version of me
And somehow you're gonna see
An udpated version of me

And there would be no reasons then
To tell me that I'm just a friend
I'll be a much better person, you'll see
An updated version of me

Maybe I should grow a much nicer nose
A much prettier set of eyes
Maybe I should wear more colorful clothes
If it'd help you to realize
I've never been this in love before
Never wanted to change at all
Now I'm willing to try...

Someday there's gonna be
An updated version of me
And somehow you're gonna see
An updated version of me
And there would be no reasons then
To tell me that I'm just a friend
I'll be a much better person, you'll see
An updated version of me...

Maybe then you'd realize
Or maybe you won't
If and when that happens
I'd still be the lucky one...

'Coz someday there's gonna be
An updated version of me
And somehow you're gonna see
And updated version of me
And someday you would realize
You've made awful compromise
And you'd wished that you had wath you missed
'Coz you'd miss a much better person
An updated version of me
You will see...

I'm not in a hurry of loving again...

I'm not in a hurry of loving again...
But I wonder how does it feel to be loved by someone who feels the same way as I do.

I'm not in a hurry of loving again...
But sometimes it's good to wake up knowing that someone I love is just right beside me.

I'm not in a hurry of loving again...
But I wonder what's the feeling of my hand being held by that special one, and not letting go of me.

I'm not in a hurry of loving again...
But sometimes it feels good when that special one is always checking up on me, letting me feel that he truly cares.

I'm not in a hurry of loving again...
But I wonder how does it feel to be someone's inspiration.

I'm not in a hurry of loving again...
But sometimes it feels good when someone is willing to protect and keep me away from any harm and danger

I'm not in a hurry of loving again...
But I wonder how does it feel when that special one will stand by me when the world walks out on me.

I'm not in a hurry of loving again...
But sometimes it feels good when I'm being chosen among other important things.

I'm not in a hurry of loving again...
But I wonder how does it feel when that special one tells me that "you are my life, the reason of my existence".

I'm not in a hurry of loving again...
But, I am thirsty of being loved by someone who will never gonna make me feel the pain I had in my past.

Cuatro el mes

Now, I know the reason why I felt sad today :'(
Reminscing again that single DAY was a blast!
So many memories, pain and heartache that lead me to these thoughts...

I often wonder why we go through so much heartache from one person, from the person that you have loved. I've always asked myself "why do they take our hearts and break them just as soon as we've learned to live without them? " It is hard and it hurts like hell and it is not fair... but I guess that's life. The worst part of it is, you never really heal. You just learn to accept it, brush it aside, and move on. That is the harsh reality. They say, we get stronger with every heartbreak... either that or we just become numb to the point where we don't care, but we pick our selves up off the floor and move on.

In love, sometimes, we learn how to gamble, we take risks. A choice of happiness and loneliness. And sometimes it's a matter of life and death.


I wish every person who's in this kind of situation will get well including me, for it is a hard one to be in.
I still can't believe how that one single day changed and ruined everything. sucks :/

NP: What hurts the most . . .

After all these time... You're still the one that my heart shouts for..
I really do hope that I will fully move on from the love that I've waited for so long but was never really mine. . .



I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ?em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do

This is just an ordinary day . . .

Oh crap for the nth time..., I am thinking of you again.

It's been awhile already and I can't stop thinking about what went wrong. I don't see that person, talk to that person, or am anywhere near that person and I thought that would be enough to forget but apparently it isn't. I desperately just want to move on and stop obsessing about everything that happened and what could have been different. I don't want to get that person back and I certainly don't want to ever see that person again so why is it so hard to get past this? What should I do?

"When you lose someone, you will grieve until you feel ready to move on. Don´t fight it, it will only make it worst. Just go on with your life, promise that as soon as the pain will stop and it will be only be a bad memory. But unfortunately you will never stop thinking about it. Because it´s an event in your life".

Time will heal all wounds.



--- sana nga ---
--looking forward to it--

NP: Fall For You by Nina

There's a right or wrong to know for everything
And the truth is somewhere written in between
But there's always something missing in the dark
There you'll find the true condition of the heart

Well, I can visualize the pieces of a dream,
And it's not as far away as it may seem
But if truth be told, it is you that holds the key
To the question that defines my destiny

chorus

I've been in love, a time or two
I've seen the world, when i'm with you
I wanna fly and spread my wings
I don't wanna cry, I wanna sing
I wanna live and take a chance
I'm not afraid to love again
I wanna fall, fall for you
And I want you to fall for me too

I've hadplenty conversations with my heart
Coz I want this thing to work, not fall apart
So, I ask my heart how it can be so sure
And it answers me because your heart is pure

I have every expectation that is true
Coz my heart won't lie to me, much less to you
But if truth be told, it is you that holds the key
To the future that becomes our destiny

chorus

Unto the mountain snow that melts into the stream
My heart goes like a river to sea
To the heavens up above,
I pray to God our destiny is love

Now Playing: Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad?

Here I am, I'm in the wrong bed again
It's a game I just can't win
There you are, breathing soft on my skin, yeah
Still you won't let me in, so come on

Why save your kisses for a rainy day
Baby let the moment take your heart away

Have you ever needed someone so bad, yeah
Have you ever wanted someone you just couldn't have
Did you ever try so hard that your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad
And you're the girl I gotta have, I gotta have you baby, yeah

There you go, midnight promises again, yeah
But they're broken by the dawn
You wanna go further, faster every day, baby
But in the morning you'll be gone, and I'm alone

Why save your kisses for a rainy day
Baby let the moment take your heart away

Have you ever needed someone so bad, yeah
Have you ever wanted someone you just couldn't have
Did you ever try so hard that your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad

Every dream I dream
Is some kinda rash 'n' reckless scene
To give such crazy love
You must be some kinda drug
And if my time don't ever come
For me you're still the one
Damned if I don't, damned if I do
I gotta get a fix on you

Have you ever needed someone so bad, yeah
Have you ever wanted someone you just couldn't have
Did you ever try so hard that your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad, so bad

Have you ever needed someone - have you ever wanted someone, yeah
Did you ever try so hard that your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad
And you're the girl I gotta have, I gotta have you baby, yeah

It's a game I just can't win, oh

Have you ever needed someone so bad, yeah
Have you ever wanted someone
Have you ever wanted someone you just couldn't have
Did you ever try so hard, yeah

Vulnerable

It’s been two months now and it’s still hurting me.
What have I done to deserve this?
Is this according to your plan?
You hurt me more than I deserve, how can you be so cruel? I love you more than you deserve, why am I such a fool?
I gave you everything but it wasn't enough to make you stay
I'm screwing up every little good thing I ever tried to do. I think was born to lose.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I want to see.
My world used to be worth living for, and now it's hard enough just to be me.
It's amazing how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces.
What can I do? I have gone with the flow.
I was too dependent upon your presence.
And now I’m crippled by your loss.
I could go on with my day and act like everything is okay. But as my life goes on it hurts more in every way.
I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of crying. I know I have been smiling but inside I’m dying.
What can I do? I’m vulnerable.




April11'10

S.H.O.U.T

april2'10

alone in the bench . . .

april2'10

~hugs~

Unforgettable..

I have spent so long pretending,
to keep my heart from bleeding.
But the pain remains,
every time someone mentions your name.

Tell me how to forget the memories I had with you.
Tell me how to run away from you.
Tell me how to accept everything.
Tell me how to go on with my life if you're missing.

I have loved you with all my heart.
I gave my best and played my part.
Is there something wrong in what I have done?
the reason why you are gone.

I have never imagined this would come to an end.
Is there anything that will mend
this broken heart of mine?
Or it will just get better in time?

I don't even know myself anymore.
And I think my life's not worth living for.
I feel miserable,
only for one reason, because you're so unforgettable






MAY5th'09

Now playing: BREAK EVEN

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even.

Her best days will be some of my worst,
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first,
While I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Coz she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain,
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh.
'Coz you left me with no love, with no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break, no it don't
break, no it don't break even no.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)

Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, It don't break even, no

arf arf woof woof!

March 20, 2010
around 7:30 am
Toinkeedoodledoo gave birth to four cute puppies.
Hehe! Toinkee is a mother now. We're so proud of you! hehehe

OUTSPOKEN HEART

How good it is to meet such a wonderful person like you.
Your eyes melt me every time you look at me.
Your ears are always ready to listen whenever I try to talk.
Your nose, it's so lovely, I wonder how you'd notice my scent.
Your sensuous lips that I long to kiss and
Your warm hugs that I always miss.

Every time I'm with you, I forget the rest.
Coz I have you... I have the best.
You know me so well,
Whenever I'm sad, you know what words to tell.

Bliss is still the best word to describe it.
I hope you feel how much I mean it.
It is true that I really wanna be with you always.
I hope the clock stops to tick whenever I'm with you.

I hope you know how much I love you.
You are my happiness and I am not afraid of any consequences.
My heart beats only for you.
You are the reason of my existence.


I love you so much, I care for you and I need you.
I hope someday I could say these words to you.
I wanna tell you all of these, without having doubts and overcoming my fear.
Coz I don't wanna be like this forever ..... loving you silently.


december7th2009

NOT AFRAID!

i know there are many things that i am afraid of.

you may call me a coward, oh yes i am.

i may not be as strong as you are,

i easily break down when it comes to my emotions.

but there's one thing that i want you to know that i am not scared of,

i am not scared of taking risks in loving you.

i thought there's something magical happened but i was wrong . . .

i almost came to a point of facing the toughest challenge of all . . . . . .

. . . . . I was so ready to defend you..., but then you chose to break my heart for

the third time . . .

no matter what . . .

i still chose to stay in love with you.

i may not be the one you want.

i may not be the one you need.

Im still keeping my promise...

that I'll always be here for you,

because you're forever in my heart.

oct2809

I wish I could

I wish I could turn back time

Those precious moments when you were mine

The happiness that no one could ever find

"Bliss" that's all i have in my mind

I wish i could have told you

What is my life without you

Maybe you wouldn't have any clue

I'll tell you, I will feel blue

I wish i could have been so true

So that you and I are no yet through

If I only knew,

That these feelings were strange and new

I wish I could have done something

Because without you, I feel nothing

Apart from you there's something missing

I don't know if my life's still worth living

I wish I could be your lover

But I know you wouldn't even bother

Even though my life's begin to falter

Who would care? It doesn't even matter

I wish I could have given another chance

To prove my love and make a stance

If you'd just hold my hand

Trust me, our love will forever stand

I wish I could have hugged you so much

So that now I won't be longing for your touch

It's not easy to just hush

I miss you, I can't believe it's all gone in just a flash.

041609

KNIFE

There are memories that you want to be erased but still remains in your heart.

You tried everything to forget about it still you feel hurt.

How can I never forget those precious moments I had with you?

If all the things that surround me always remind me of you.

When friendship and love collide, both can suffer.

“I love you, and I need you back”, these are the words I want you to utter.

They say “everything happens for a reason”.

Please tell me what to do to forget you and move on.

“I’m sorry” can two simple words make up for all those I wish I haven’t said?

If not possible, memories binding us to a past we long to forget can be too difficult to escape.

Love is about giving, but even with love it can be too much.

It brings me more pain, and still I’m longing for your touch.

This is not easy, I hope someone would discover,

That I lose a part of myself, that is so hard to recover.

You know, I never wanted you out of my life.

I badly miss you and it’s killing me just like a knife.

041309

Programmed to Function

I’m lying in my bed,

Feeling cold and dread.

Thinking is what humans do best,

But hard to stop and go for a little rest.

There were moments of joy, and memories of extreme happiness.

But all of these cause me more pain and emptiness.

A glimpse is all it can take to be awaken from an awful dream.

Life can be so cruel and fate can be so mean.

Everyday, I look forward to forgetting you,

But my mind’s pulling me backward, telling me to come back to you.

Sometimes tears say all that can be said and understanding comes only with time.

Circumstances often dictate feelings and things can remind us why it didn’t work out very fine.

I wish there’s a solution,

A conceivable retort to all my illusions.

Suicide is an escape, not an answer.

The craziest thing to do, people wouldn’t even mind to bother.

I wish there’s still a reason,

For my heart not to be forever imprisoned.

If the world lets me down,

I hope it wouldn’t be your name that I will call to stop my frown.

What if there’s a way to ease the pain and just run away.

What if I leave it all behind and just walk astray.

It may look deceiving but I tell you it will lead me to the process of healing.

To start believing that my life has no other purpose, no other meaning.

No pressure, pain and heartaches that will bring me to confusion.

I’m just here for something that won’t include risking my emotions.

Without questions, without hesitations, my mind is only set up for commands and limitations.

Just like living in a world of robots, that’s how they were programmed to function.

april 13, 2009