12 of the Gazillion things I love about you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mrXuj5a7CA Happy birthday to the special person in my life.

kape

A cup of coffee is always good when I am with you. It was really glad to see you again. I've realized how much I miss you. Memories flashed back. I've felt happiness. But I wish I had the strength to hug you... I was adamant to take a picture with you. Good thing kuya Barista was able to take a picture of us. after 2 months, I was able to see you again....... Aug242014 Tagaytay Beantage Cafe

Trip mo, trip ko, Trip nating Dalawa

Ilang araw na lang Hongkong trip na natin. Alam ko hindi ko pinapakita na excited ako pero kung alam mo lang... Sa mga nakalipas na buwan, ito na lang yung nagbibigay sa akin ng motivation. Na sa wakas makakasama muli kita. Mukha ka namang masaya na, alam ko hindi mo na ako kailangan. Maaaring may iba nang nagpapasaya sayo. Nais kong malaman mo na mahal pa rin kita. Umaasa pa rin ako na pwede pang bumalik sa dati at mapagpatuloy ang dapat mangyari. Pag-asa na lang ang pinaghahawakan ko. Siguro moved on ka na. Hindi naman kasi napakalaki ng impact ko sa buhay mo. Sino nga ba naman ako? Pero ako, hindi pa rin. Siguro dahil ako ang iniwan kaya hirap ako. Iniwan at umaasa pa ring may babalik. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko pagdating ng araw ng pag-alis natin. Ang tanging nasa isip ko lang ay yun yung pagkakataon ko na makasama ka muli. Pagkakataon na ibibigay mo sa akin para patunayan sayo na karapat-dapat ako sa pagmamahal mo. Alam ko mukha na kong baliw pero mahal pa rin kita. MAHAL NA MAHAL. Alam ko hindi ko naipakita at naibigay ang lahat ng kaya ko sa iyo. Sana sa tatlong araw na iyon, bigyan mo ako ng pagkakataon na ipakita sayo. Kahit sa tatlong araw na iyon. Gusto ko alagaan at mapasaya ka. Gusto ko namnamin yung pagkakataon na kasama kita. Kasi hindi ko alam baka yun na rin yung huling pagsasama nating dalawa. Sana may tapang ako na ipakita yun sa iyo at hindi mo ko ireject. Nasa sa iyo pa rin ang huling desisyon. Alam ko tinatapos mo na ang lahat ng anuman sa atin dati pa. Pero hindi ko pa rin kayang tanggapin. Gusto ko sa harap ko mismo at manggaling sa bibig mo ang mga sasabihin mo. Naniniwala pa rin ako. Nananalig pa rin ako. Naniniwala ako sa pangalawang pagkakataon kung panghihilutan mo. AYOKO PA RIN SUMUKO. Hindi na ko makapaghintay. Sana maenjoy natin ang paglalakbay. "Let's enjoy the trip, let's enjoy what we have and see what will happen". galing sayo yan.

I Have A Confession to Make............

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuHZWqIRrYU

49th day...

Someone told me asking signs will help you decide what to do next. I never believed in asking signs but then that day came. It was the 49th day. Same day when something bad happened last December 2013. 49 lonely days away from you. I was so depressed and didn't know what to do. I've prayed hard hoping that things will work out again and I will be able to see you. That day came, exactly 1st day of January when you decided to see me. I was so happy especially when you gave me lots of hugs and told me you missed me. We spent night together alone. You telling stories about family and work and me just telling you how much I missed you. I was so thankful that God permitted me to see you again. You wouldn't imagine that those moments without you were the darkest days of my life. You were my innerlight remember?! It was a good start of the year. A promise that will spend more memories together. I never imagined that I'll start the year right with someone special like you. The feeling was surreal. February came and the feeling that I have you in my life got intense. I was able to see you whenever I'd liked to. We went out together often unlike before. I got to celebrate Valentine's day with someone so special to me. My feeling got reciprocated. I'd never expected that in my life someone I like, liked me back for who I am. And that book you gave me was so special,especially when you explained the story behind it. That time I felt like I was the happiest person in the world. When I asked where our relationship stands, you gave clarity to my doubts. I know were exclusively dating but my hopes are high because I know in my heart that we're getting there and you just needed more time to think about it. You just want to be sure. I understood. I have waited patiently because I know you were worth the wait. You left without a trace. You walked away. My heart died. My life fell apart. I don't blame you because I know I got so dependent believing that you will always be there for me and will never leave me. I'm scared of people leaving me behind. I have suffered. You know my trouble but you don't know how I have struggled. I was so depressed. You never gave me a chance to talk to you. I tried to help myself but it keeps on coming back to you. I'd stick to the word you've said. I was so gullible. Everyday is a struggle. I tried to keep myself distracted but memories keep flashing back. Every single thing I do, it reminded me of you. I miss you so much and I really don't know where to start. I've started counting the days since you left. I've realized that I have suffered so much. And the I heard friends telling me that they saw you in the vicinity. Then there was this common friend of ours, told me that she really saw you and was able to talk to you but after that conversation you told her not to tell me. I didn't react and didn't do anything respected your decision that you were not ready to see me. Then I met this friend again and told me that she saw you again and this time you were looking for me. I was so surprised but then again I didn't do anything not because I didn't care, it's just that I don't know how to react and what to do. I was adamant to text you or to let you know that I already knew that you were in the same building. I just prayed to God asking for guidance and then I remembered the sign I told myself that if on the 49th day something unexpected happened, this calls for a second chance. That day I have realized that it was the 49th day, March 23, 2014. You added me on facebook, you emailed me letting me know that you were on the same building. I was so happy but tried to hide it from you. Then there was this flicker of hope that everything will be okay between us. A second chance for everything. I felt happy when you wanted to see me. When you said that you miss me too. Signs are real. I know that in my heart. But now, I still don't know where this road will take us. I still love you. You told me I have changed but feelings are still the same. I still love you. I insisted to see you before my soul-searching in Batangas. I thought after we met I'll get the answers but I refused to ask, I was so afraid of what will you say. You just said sorry for leaving me behind, for walking away. I still want to hear those words from you. I don't know where to go. I still love you. You're still the one that my heart's asking for :(

I wonder where this road will take me. . .

what happens next?

When you said that you'll stay away from me. It had my heart broken. How easy for you to say that. I am starting to believe people that You've really used it as a ticket to escape from the situation. I didn't expect that you would do that. I thought you were different. I've respected your decision. You know that I tried to win you back but you never gave me a chance. I did ask for an explanation. I asked for time to talk about it and asked that you tell it straight to my face. But you never gave me a chance. My heart died and I almost died. Now, you're back. I'm still in pain. Do you think it's easy for me to move on. I am not like you. It's a long process. It's not that im not helping myself but this is worst than what happened to me years ago. We were almost there but you left me. I still don't know what to do, where to start. The love for you is still there. I miss you. Despite what had happened my heart is still not giving up. it's still aiming for a second chance. But I don't know how to start and what will happen next.

Two Months. . .

Hoy es el segundo mes. Y nada ha cambiado. Todavia te amo. Te extrano tanto. Me gustaria poder abrazarte. It's been two months. Nothing's changed. I still love you. I still miss you. I wish I could hug you :-( 05042014

A Second Chance...

As I write this, I know in my heart that I still love you. You walked away without even saying goodbye. I know that there is no such thing as "US" but I still go for what heart says. I stopped counting the days since you left me because it is just ripping my heart apart. Rather, I started counting the days of HOPE that we will get back together at the right moment and at the right time. For some people, it sounds crazy but this is what I feel. I am positive about this. We may not be okay today because we were hurt by painful words, unreasonable actions and immaturities but I know that there is still the right time for everything... A SECOND CHANCE. 04-19-2014

H.O.P.E.

Hope... It is a matter of virtuous desire for future good. It is wanting of something to happen with a sense of expectation that it might. But Hope is a poisonous thing. Hope can either be achieved or a false belief that may cause heartbreaks. There's still a flicker of hope inside me. A heart hoping that someday things will get better. But we can't just wish for it to happen without taking any actions.

04-19-2014

What Happened???

Moving on is very hard to do right now especially when someone came in unexpectedly made you feel so special and wanted. I wish I could turn back time when we all cared about was just time spent together. What happened to the promises and plans we've made? I don't want to lose you... but you have already given up on me. I felt contentment even if there's no label to what we've had. I meant it when I said "I am at my happiest whenever I am with you". You'd be surprised but you made me feel the same way. I knew in my heart that I have given my all, and never did ask that you return the favor. I've told you that you are worth the wait. When you love someone, you have to be ready to be hurt. I always reminded myself with that thought. Maybe I have just expected too much. Will you blame me if I just stick on to the words you've said? I have trusted you. I relied to all the words you've told me. But what happened? I understand that this was strange. I understand that you have tried. But what happened? You did not give me the chance to prove it to you. I've always wanted to be the one who will take good care of you. Because you don't deserved to be treated like shit like what happened with your past relationships. You've told me that "it was the right decision to remain as friends" but did you ever ask me? You're scared that you might hurt me by finding a man someday. You always think in advance. You've never trusted me and that's what is hurting me the most. I can't admit the fact that I have lost the battle without fighting for it so hard. This is worst than a break-up. Now, I am crippled by your loss. I don't know how to move on so quickly. I know it will take time. We may not predict the future. Few months from now, one of us will find someone new. People said forget the past and move on. How will I do that if someone unexpected came into your life made you feel so special yesterday but made you feel unwanted today. I still want you to tell it straight to my face. Some thought it's a form of masochism. And I know it will be more painful but at least it will make me realize that you never ever wanted me at all. I can't move on. I don't know how to start. I don't know how to help myself. Every little thing reminds me of you. You're unforgettable. I am still in love with you. innerlight.beyb. 03/17/2014 11:42 am