49th day...

Someone told me asking signs will help you decide what to do next. I never believed in asking signs but then that day came. It was the 49th day. Same day when something bad happened last December 2013. 49 lonely days away from you. I was so depressed and didn't know what to do. I've prayed hard hoping that things will work out again and I will be able to see you. That day came, exactly 1st day of January when you decided to see me. I was so happy especially when you gave me lots of hugs and told me you missed me. We spent night together alone. You telling stories about family and work and me just telling you how much I missed you. I was so thankful that God permitted me to see you again. You wouldn't imagine that those moments without you were the darkest days of my life. You were my innerlight remember?! It was a good start of the year. A promise that will spend more memories together. I never imagined that I'll start the year right with someone special like you. The feeling was surreal. February came and the feeling that I have you in my life got intense. I was able to see you whenever I'd liked to. We went out together often unlike before. I got to celebrate Valentine's day with someone so special to me. My feeling got reciprocated. I'd never expected that in my life someone I like, liked me back for who I am. And that book you gave me was so special,especially when you explained the story behind it. That time I felt like I was the happiest person in the world. When I asked where our relationship stands, you gave clarity to my doubts. I know were exclusively dating but my hopes are high because I know in my heart that we're getting there and you just needed more time to think about it. You just want to be sure. I understood. I have waited patiently because I know you were worth the wait. You left without a trace. You walked away. My heart died. My life fell apart. I don't blame you because I know I got so dependent believing that you will always be there for me and will never leave me. I'm scared of people leaving me behind. I have suffered. You know my trouble but you don't know how I have struggled. I was so depressed. You never gave me a chance to talk to you. I tried to help myself but it keeps on coming back to you. I'd stick to the word you've said. I was so gullible. Everyday is a struggle. I tried to keep myself distracted but memories keep flashing back. Every single thing I do, it reminded me of you. I miss you so much and I really don't know where to start. I've started counting the days since you left. I've realized that I have suffered so much. And the I heard friends telling me that they saw you in the vicinity. Then there was this common friend of ours, told me that she really saw you and was able to talk to you but after that conversation you told her not to tell me. I didn't react and didn't do anything respected your decision that you were not ready to see me. Then I met this friend again and told me that she saw you again and this time you were looking for me. I was so surprised but then again I didn't do anything not because I didn't care, it's just that I don't know how to react and what to do. I was adamant to text you or to let you know that I already knew that you were in the same building. I just prayed to God asking for guidance and then I remembered the sign I told myself that if on the 49th day something unexpected happened, this calls for a second chance. That day I have realized that it was the 49th day, March 23, 2014. You added me on facebook, you emailed me letting me know that you were on the same building. I was so happy but tried to hide it from you. Then there was this flicker of hope that everything will be okay between us. A second chance for everything. I felt happy when you wanted to see me. When you said that you miss me too. Signs are real. I know that in my heart. But now, I still don't know where this road will take us. I still love you. You told me I have changed but feelings are still the same. I still love you. I insisted to see you before my soul-searching in Batangas. I thought after we met I'll get the answers but I refused to ask, I was so afraid of what will you say. You just said sorry for leaving me behind, for walking away. I still want to hear those words from you. I don't know where to go. I still love you. You're still the one that my heart's asking for :(

I wonder where this road will take me. . .